HOW ST. JARGE SLEWED THE DRAGON

Come hither, little children
   and sit your arses down
I'll tell a tale of chivalry
   of a man of high renown
St. Jarge of jolly England
   how a dragon he did find
how he slew that pagan critter
   for the good of all mankind

St. Jarge was summoned by the King
   who said "My dear old friend
there's a dragon loose and running
   and we need a few good men
that dragon, he's a mean one
   he roams from dell to dell
a robbin and a rapin
   and a raisin bloody Hell

St. Jarge spoke up so boldly
   said "I ain't ascared of him
he's just a lousy dragon
   why, I'll tear him limb from limb!"
St. Jarge put on his feathered hat
   and hopped his trusty steed
and he made haste for the Holy Land
   to whup this demon seed

St. Jarge sought out the dragon
   through the corners of the world
a dancin and a prancin
   to impress the local girls
out behind the village tavern
   there he found the dragon's lair
bones were scattered on the ground
   and death was in the air

He saw the ghastly clouds of smoke
   he smelled the fearsome smell
"Virgins, gimme virgins!"
   he could hear the monster yell
and then appeared the dragon
   and it was a shockin sight
it was chuggin Molson's Export
   as it watched "The Price is Right"

St. Jarge addressed the dragon:
   "You overgrown horny toad
this town's too small for both of us
   you better hit the road!"
the dragon gave a mighty belch
   and shook its scaly fist
"Get lost, ya little faggot
   or I'll burn ya to a crisp!"

"Bow down, black fiend of Satan
   you foul spawn of the pit
from God my task was given
   for to chop you all to bits!"
St. Jarge then said a little prayer
   and leapt toward his foe
and with his broad and mighty sword
   sliced off the dragon's toe

Then shrieks of mortal agony
   did issue from the brute
he screamed "I'm gonna fry your ass
   ya god damn nincompoop!"
then with a blast of fiery snot
   all hell and death and stink
he soaked St. Jarge in wretched flames
   "Take that, ya jeezus dink!"

St. Jarge did smite that dragon good
   and smote him yet again
the dragon writhed and twisted
   launching monstrous howls of pain
but then the creature reared its head
   and the gouts of flame he spat
flamb‚ed St. Jarge's steed and singed
   the feathers on his hat

St. Jarge howled at the dragon
   "You have made me really sore
you ruined my hat and cooked my horse
   now this means fucking war!"
St. Jarge then called in air support
   they scrambled B1 jets
the boys from SAC flew in
   and nuked that beast to shit.



                                              (Mike O'Brien)